Is that a 2x4 in your eye.........

I’m writing this from my hotel room. I’m on my last night of vacation with my wife, Misty. Our little guy, C3, is with Oma & Pa in NM having a great time... now back to the point. With these few days off, I have had a great time reading Timothy Keller’s book “The Reason for God” and talking through the chapters with Misty. Another big thing that happened this week, that has Misty and I talking, is all the fuss over Rob Bell’s new book “Love Wins” and the current promo video his publisher is using to promote it. Both what I’m reading in the book and what I’m reading on the net are hitting close to home for me. In fact it has me thinking in a way that I’m not sure I could explain on this blog..... but trust me, I’ll try.....

Last year I got a call from a buddy who I worked for as a leader for a local church youth group. It was midday on a Saturday and he asked if I could speak and fill in for him that night. He had a personal emergency he had to take care of and I was the only available leader on such a short notice. Well kinda, that Saturday it was a drill weekend and I was down in Coronado playing Navy. I told him that I would do what I could and that I would show up. Long story short, I was able to get off a bit early and run home to change and work on a speaking idea. I spoke on the idea of all the chaos and noise around us and how we allow it to block out God, who is the very person who can mute it. Along with that topic, I was able to find a Nooma Video, by Rob Bell, on youtube that closely covered what I was talking about. Later that night after youth group was over, I had a chance to reflect on the past few hours and I came to one easy conclusion... God was there... Not that he had been absent before but with the little planning that happened and everything following, it was a rad message that I wish I could have had on tape. I felt I was more moved and it hit home for me more then the students. None of it was me, I give all the credit to God for that night.

A few days later, my buddy calls me and lets me know that a parent was upset that I had used a video by Rob Bell. When asked what his objections were, the parent couldn’t name any that he personally had but pointed to a website by a Calvary Chapel pastor. This pastor is known to be very vocal and open about his dislike of Mr. Bell, his books and his videos. This parent went as far as to have his son call into the local Calvary radio show and ask if my actions on showing the video were appropriate! What’s worse is that the communication between my buddy and the parent hit a brick wall. The parent went to the head leadership of the church and gave them an ultimatum. The parent said to stop showing and referencing Rob Bell (unless it was against Rob) or he was going to pull his son out of the group. Well you guessed it, the church gave in. I was told that I could no longer use the Nooma videos. How could this happen? The parent was a total poser in the literal sense. He never read and or watched a video by Bell. All he was going off was, this other pastor who clearly has it out for Bell. When pressed, the parent couldn’t come up with one fact that he for himself found that justified his negative opinion. On the other side, my church let me down. It broke me to see them act not on the side of truth but what looked like self preservation. Neither of the head pastors, who I know well, reached out to me and discussed their views. Needless to say, my family is no longer a part of that church nor will we ever be a part of a Calvary Chapel.

In Chapter 5 of Timothy Keller’s book, Keller is asking the question, “How can a loving God send people to hell?” The worst part of that question involves Christians. For some reason we think we have the right to publicly state who is going and not going to hell. Keller handles this by writing “ Today’s outspoken believer may be tomorrow's apostate, and today’s outspoken unbeliever may be tomorrow’s convert. We must not make settled, final decisions about anyones’s spiritual state or fate.” With the promo of Rob’s new book, there has been a few blogs and pastors, to include John Piper, who have hung Bell out to dry. Let me be clear about one thing.......It’s a promo...... the book won’t be out till the end of March...... And yet, so called Christians feel that it’s open season on Bell, or whoever they feel doesn’t meet their expectations. They dam people like Bell and try to force their repentance. Who the Hell do you think you are? Can you be any further from Christs message? Are you not knocking holes in the wall by swinging that plank in your eye?

Headline......... Hey little Christian, God didn’t place you on this earth for your expert opinion on calling out other men of God in the name of western religious justice. What balls...... If you think your that good, it’s time to find a tree and start over. You missed the point.......

It’s crazy on how music or just a song can open your mind to thoughts young and old. Smells and memories come flooding your senses and just for that quick second, your back, back in that time of when you last heard that song for the first real time. I have found that time. But I must stop here and mention a minor detail. What I’m about to write on my blog has nothing to do with when I first heard Joy Division on 91X, but it’s giving me a much needed kick in the butt to write. I have had so much on my mind that when I stop and think about typing it all out I get a bit overwhelmed. Some of it is rants while others are subject ideas for teaching. I’ll attempt to write what has been heavy on my mind for a while. I hope I get my point across, but better yet, I hope I sleep better tonight for getting this off my chest or should I say, mind............

I grew up around churches. I can say that most of my early experiences as a teen with the 4 walls and a preacher have not been the best for me. But first let me be clear; This writing isn’t going to be one of mocking the church or the people who attend them. It will be one, of objecting view of what I have felt, and where I’m at with “All Of It” as of now. With prayer and this writing, I’m hoping to work through this. I found my walk with Christ back in 2000. When I came off deployment I went to a few different churches. It wasn’t till a little later that I found North Coast Calvary Chapel in Carlsbad. This was the first time that I felt that I could go to church and be me. Dress the way I want, freely worship and be surrounded by others who like me, where looking for the same thing.

Fast forward to today, 10 years later, I’m married to a rad wife and and we have been blessed with a beautiful son. My American dream was coming true until I started feeling restless with our church. After much prayer and discussion, we left NCCC. Misty and I have visited a bunch of churches and finally settled on one. After a few months, we haven’t meet anyone. When I was talking with Misty about that, she had mention that we should join a small group so we could meet other couples. My wife is very smart and I was listening but just as much as she was right, it was wrong. A successful small group ministry is a huge goal for most churches and I’m sure they have some good points but should that be a the main vehicle to meet others in your church? I’m not cool with this. I’m going to be blunt; when a small church like the one we are at now, relies on you to join a small group and that’s the biggest way to meet others, well that's a huge copout! The bible teaches community but not one to where it’s exclusive to having to meet people outside of the main gathering in order to be a community.

The biggest tug that I felt for the original change of churches, was the longing to be apart of a small church. I would be happy meeting in a living room. It’s not the 4 walls and the video screen that I’m looking for but the discussion and community that bellows out of a small group of people who love Christ. Now I’m again at a impasse, back in the hunt for a church. One that is small, open to new people, Christ centered and welcoming. I would be lying if I didn’t tell you that I have even thought about starting a bi weekly meeting at our condo clubhouse. I’m that frustrated. I have to remember to keep praying. God has put this longing on my heart for a reason. The same faithfulness that he has shown me, he will also show, in his timing, a church that my family can be a part of. So the music keeps playing and at one point I’ll hear a song, that brings me back to the time that God kept his promise and gave us a church that feels like home.

Back up for another breath

Dark greens and blues, some black and bright whites, I can kinda say that’s how this past year or so has felt for me but it doesn’t help that I have Radiohead live in Japan playing in the background as I’m writing this either.

Can I say I’m back if I never really left? Can I say I’m here if I was really never there? Well, lets not get to silly and let's get back to why these words are here to be read. I’ve been away and life has kept close in the fore front. I was reading my last entry and wow, so much has changed. Since the last post Misty and I have been blessed with a handsome boy who most know as “C3”. He has his daddy's and “Pop Pop's” name Carnell III. Calling him C3 is much easier and less confusing than Misty just saying Carnell and we both are looking to answering her.

Also in my last posting I had just gotten back from our first high school trip to Lake Nacimiento and what a success that trip had been. So, for the 09 trip there where big expectations and dreams of fun, water and an eagerness to see God through the eyes of a gifted speaker and us leaders doing a morning devo. As I’m writing this part, I’m stumbling for what words to put down. I want to say that God showed himself at the start but the uneasy part of that reality is that we lost a leader to a drowning in the first hour of the students getting to the lake. That leader was our guest speaker. It was several years ago on our yearly summer trip that I came to the reality of losing my Mom and now this............ I’m still dealing with this loss in ways I never thought where in me and it’s scary and uncomfortable. So was God there, of course and we made it through that as a family but this has left a mark on us all.

Another big change was my employment at Viking Commercial Construction. By April 09 business had slowed and I found myself looking at things a little different then the others on the other side of the table. Needless to say I was laid off. Side note, so many people told me to never go to work for friends....... never again. As always, my lack of faith slapped me in the face like a cold wet fish and it was stinky and weird. I was only out of work for a week and a half when a friend called me and told me about a job opening as a civilian contractor working at an squadron that I was stationed at when I was in the Navy. 2 years later I’m the team lead for my shop and have a rad group of guys that I work with. BTW.... I'm back in the Navy too.... We will talk about that at a later date.

So ya there has been what I call big news in my life and still I’m finding things that I thought where once left. Friends, walks, surf and even flying. I hope I’m back because I enjoy writing and putting my thoughts down. I’m looking forward to sharing more and start coming back out of this shell I retreated to.

I have so much more to write and update but this is it for tonight. Please stick around for more.

Good night friends

It's been a while

Well I'm back. The Lake Nac trip was a great success. We had a great time with the students and the boats seemed to be on the water the whole time. As for me, well I had a great time with the students and I made some good friends. The weather took it's tole on me. I slept in the back of the truck and I though that I had enough blankets to stay warm at night. I found out the hard way the first night that I was wrong. We had about a 50 degree temperature difference every night. It would be 100' in the afternoon and as son as the sun went down it got cold quick. Most mornings I would wake up with it being in the low 50'.

I was asked to do a devotional on the first morning; I had an idea on what I wanted to speak on but wasn't sure how I was going to deliver it. Long story short, I spoke about how we can only find true innocence though Christ and that we were all gathered there for no reason. This was also a somber trip for me. It was on the lake trip last year that I realized that my Mom who was in a hospital in New Mexico wasn't going to live much longer. This year on the trip, she was on my mind the whole time. This Sunday will mark the the first year since my Mom had gone to be with the Lord.

I'm taken back every day with the work Christ has done with me and my family. I don't know what my future holds. I'm not sure where my Job will go in the next year. I don't know how I'm going to be able to pay my bills once Misty stops working. I hope that I can count on my faith and relationship with my creator to get me through what is in store for me and my family.

Now what dose my faith have to do with the lake trip??? I want to be what I preach. That is, I want to live the same words that are coming out of my mouth. I find that God tends to speak to me during these times. I'm listening.......

Just thinking

Well it's been a while since I posted something. The biggest reason is the issues that Misty and I are having with our .mac or should I say mobile me account. I'm a firm believer in mac and I must say I'm very disappointed with the lack of help that we have received with our issue trying to post a blog. So enough of that.

It's Monday night and I can't stop thinking about my trip with the High School students to Lake Nacimiento. Lake Nacimiento you say, where in the hell is that.... well try this link http://maps.google.com/maps?hl=en&tab=wl I look forward to this trip for a bunch of reasons. The biggest one is the time I get to spend with students. Now I get to see them twice a week but I'm kinda shy with them but for some reason I'm able to open up with them on the trip and make new friendships. The other exciting part of the trip is I get to spend it on a boat, in warm water out in the hot sun for a week away from work. Now don't get me wrong, work has been great and I feel I'm in a good place there but I need a break. In fact if I had my way, I would have taken two weeks off, but with child in process, I don't have that time to spare.

The last part of the trip that has me excited just came about earlier today when Derek called and asked me to do a short devotional. I have felt a heavy cloud on my sole for the past month and it's been a topic that has worked me over. I also feel that it's a topic that is relevant to students life's and their walk. I'll write more about it later in the week. That way it will allow me to put some thoughts together so I can write clearly.

Need A job

Well this has started out as a busy week. The lord has blessed us with so many bids that I have no idea how we will get all the bids in on time. We also have a co-worker missing in action and I have been tasked with finding out where he is. If you are reading this and you know who you are, give me a call so I don’t have to make a fool of myself and show up on your door step. Other then that life is great. Misty started feeling the baby kick. I think I felt it the other night but I’m not sure yet.

Sunday

Had a good time at church today. If your not familiar with our youth group, you should check it out at www.nccchs.com I’ll be getting up at the crack of dawn to take a couple leaders to the airport tomorrow morning for a trip to Arkansas for a mission trip. Now it’s not what you think. They are not going there to witness to the towns or pubs there, thats why we have the great Huckabee running the state, They are going there to a farm that simulates 3rd word towns and conditions and this is no joke. If they are in a town that has to kill animals in order to eat, well the whole week you are there that’s what your going to have to do in order to eat. My guess is that we are going to have a few people coming back with a little less weight.

I wanted to go on this trip so bad. The underling them of this trip is to see if missions in the 3rd world county is for you or if it’s something that you think you can cope with. I don’t feel that Gods calling me to any missions out side the USA but I felt that this would be a good exercise for me to get out of my comfort zone with students and myself. I’m a little OCD when it comes to any trip away from my house and I don’t like that. I’m not one that can just go out and camp or be comfortable back packing across the us or any other major trail. I’m sure next year will be here soon and I might be able to make the trip then