It’s crazy on how music or just a song can open your mind to thoughts young and old. Smells and memories come flooding your senses and just for that quick second, your back, back in that time of when you last heard that song for the first real time. I have found that time. But I must stop here and mention a minor detail. What I’m about to write on my blog has nothing to do with when I first heard Joy Division on 91X, but it’s giving me a much needed kick in the butt to write. I have had so much on my mind that when I stop and think about typing it all out I get a bit overwhelmed. Some of it is rants while others are subject ideas for teaching. I’ll attempt to write what has been heavy on my mind for a while. I hope I get my point across, but better yet, I hope I sleep better tonight for getting this off my chest or should I say, mind............

I grew up around churches. I can say that most of my early experiences as a teen with the 4 walls and a preacher have not been the best for me. But first let me be clear; This writing isn’t going to be one of mocking the church or the people who attend them. It will be one, of objecting view of what I have felt, and where I’m at with “All Of It” as of now. With prayer and this writing, I’m hoping to work through this. I found my walk with Christ back in 2000. When I came off deployment I went to a few different churches. It wasn’t till a little later that I found North Coast Calvary Chapel in Carlsbad. This was the first time that I felt that I could go to church and be me. Dress the way I want, freely worship and be surrounded by others who like me, where looking for the same thing.

Fast forward to today, 10 years later, I’m married to a rad wife and and we have been blessed with a beautiful son. My American dream was coming true until I started feeling restless with our church. After much prayer and discussion, we left NCCC. Misty and I have visited a bunch of churches and finally settled on one. After a few months, we haven’t meet anyone. When I was talking with Misty about that, she had mention that we should join a small group so we could meet other couples. My wife is very smart and I was listening but just as much as she was right, it was wrong. A successful small group ministry is a huge goal for most churches and I’m sure they have some good points but should that be a the main vehicle to meet others in your church? I’m not cool with this. I’m going to be blunt; when a small church like the one we are at now, relies on you to join a small group and that’s the biggest way to meet others, well that's a huge copout! The bible teaches community but not one to where it’s exclusive to having to meet people outside of the main gathering in order to be a community.

The biggest tug that I felt for the original change of churches, was the longing to be apart of a small church. I would be happy meeting in a living room. It’s not the 4 walls and the video screen that I’m looking for but the discussion and community that bellows out of a small group of people who love Christ. Now I’m again at a impasse, back in the hunt for a church. One that is small, open to new people, Christ centered and welcoming. I would be lying if I didn’t tell you that I have even thought about starting a bi weekly meeting at our condo clubhouse. I’m that frustrated. I have to remember to keep praying. God has put this longing on my heart for a reason. The same faithfulness that he has shown me, he will also show, in his timing, a church that my family can be a part of. So the music keeps playing and at one point I’ll hear a song, that brings me back to the time that God kept his promise and gave us a church that feels like home.